I have been trying for the last 6 months to find this song and I’m so excited to finally have tracked down the name of the band and song.  Thanks to a HP printer commercial and my dear friend Google.  Enjoy!

Intuition

Have you ever had a moment that you realized your life wasn’t where you wanted it to be?  You’re plugging along and bam… it hits you.  This isn’t what you had planned and you have no idea how you ended up on this road.  It’s amazing how far away you can get before it dons on you.

It seems our lives are like swimming in the ocean.  If you aren’t paddling against it, the current can sweep you away.  Unknowing of how far you’ve been carried away. 

I’ve found myself further than I ever wanted to be.  Struggling to find myself and the vision I held before.  Life takes purpose and whether you live it on purpose or not, it happens around you. 

Relationships change.  They either evolve or they dissolve.  Without  care and attention, they can end up looking like the plant on my kitchen counter.  Wilted and thirsty.  It’s then that you realize just how much you miss the beauty.  You miss the blossoms and warmth.  The comfort that it gave you before.  It’s missing.  You long for it to be as it was.  And you wonder how to revive what once was. 

You question if it can be saved, if it’s worth trying.  You feel the pain in that thought.  The fact that you’re in a place that you could ever wonder.  Then, you feel the fear.  What if it can’t be saved?  A terrifying possibility you’ve never had to face.  You realize just how much you want it to be.

Under it all, the thing that brings you back is love.  Your heart remembers it.  It longs for what it’s known before.  It pulls you back.  For the mind forgets but not the heart

Today is one of those days.  Some might call it a funk, some might say I’m in a bad mood and some might go so far as to blame PMS.  Whatever the case… I find myself in a grumpasaurus rex kind of way.  Nothing is seeming to go right today and if I wasn’t equipped with sanity, I would believe the world was actually conspiring to annoy me in whatever way it can.

For fleeting seconds throughout the day, I keep admonishing myself for delving into the pity party I’m throwing today.  One might encourage me to ‘look on the bright side’, ‘count my blessings’ or some other cliche that on a day like today would be met with puking  an unpleasant look. 

Today I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m content to wallow in my own misery.  It won’t last forever… heck, it might not even last all night.  But today, I’ll stew in my pile of misery. 

Is that so wrong?  Is it terrible?  Aren’t we as people allowed to take time out of our effervescent lives to lick our wounds and be gloomy?  Must we always be this positive thinking, feeling, speaking person?  Isn’t it good for us to take small slivers of time and let out all of our emotions?  I’ve started to wonder if a constant state of happiness and bliss is nearly as unhealthy as the person who chooses to always be negative and a pessimist.

Perhaps I’m only justifying my day of pity.  Maybe so.  But just for today, I’m a crabstain and proud of it.

Alas, the school year is nearly done.  Today is Emma’s last day and jam packed with all kinds of fun things.  A field trip to the park, a funny guest speaker… all of these events need my presence.  While I’m always delighted at the chance to work at Em’s school or do a field trip with them, I’m a little overwhelmed right now.  The B family vacation to Ludington starts Saturday and there’s much work to be done.

It’s a little exhausting getting ready to leave.  So much preperation.  There’s not only your regular duties you need to fufull but then life likes to throw you some curve balls at the last second.  Four extra time consuming tasks were thrown onto my lists just yesterday.  And lists… geez, the lists I have going.  If stressing were measured in the amount of lists you’re making, I am officially wigging out. 

My lists contain a seemingly impossible amount of chores, errands and duties that never seem to get crossed off.  It feels like I’m just spinning my wheels and at the end of the day, what have I accomplished?  I thought I had managed to curb the ant infestation I woke up to Monday morning, only to see some stragglers coming in my kitchen window last night.  Gross!  Trips to the dealership, ironing out problems with the van ONLY to have the problem cease to exist the first time the technician tries it.  I swear it’s been acting up for almost an entire year!!!  Our renter calling yesterday and giving me her laundry list of problems that all need to be fixed asap (including getting a new dryer).  It’s enough to make me want to climb back in bed and tell someone else to deal with it.

But of course, there is noone else to deal with it.  Dan is officially working a bagillionhours this week in order to get the project done far enough that his absence will not be felt.  He staggers home after a 15hr day and we manage to watch tv together a half hour before we both close our eyes in exhaustion.  I joked with him that we’d certainly have a lot to talk about during the 2hr drive to Ludington but reality will probably be him falling asleep on the trip up.  I can’t blame him.

Speaking of sleep, my dreams have become every increasingly weird this week.  Every night, they are filled with a continuous stream of odd.  And a reoccurring dream of peeing on myself is starting to disturb me… cuz, what’s that about???

And so I’ve dubbed this post fin to… I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of fin to do something.  I’m fin to do and redo all the things that are on my lists and the 327 things that I haven’t even had time to add.  Do, do and fin to do.

I realize I might be toeing a dangerous line here.  Having the gall to complain about going on vacation.  Yes, I get the irony.  So let me say this… I am absolutely delighted to go on vacation and get away.  I just wish it didn’t mean the week beforehand would be so chaotic.  Us control freaks don’t enjoy the ride.

Have you ever wondered if you were camping wrong?  Well, you’re doing better than me if you don’t end up with this:

Back of right leg

Left knee w/ bruising, puncture & bursitis

Left foot

Right hand

Shin on right leg

I have some other little cuts but those are the worst of them.  Apparently, it’s not a good idea to try to carry a 12ft tree… even with the help of your hubby and friend.  I took a tumble and this is the end result.  The woods got one over on me this time.  I’ve learned that if a Chris falls in the woods and no one hears it… it still hurts like hell

I can’t believe it’s really been 2wks since my last post.  How does it go by so fast?  Life is so busy.  I like it that way but sometimes, it’s nice to have a moment to breathe.  I feel like we tend to pack our lives full of obligations that we have to do and forget to take time to do the things we want to do.  We forget to play games with our kids, take a walk or spend time talking to our husband.  Exercise and taking care of ourselves takes a backseat until we stop to ask ourselves where the time has gone and how we ended up here?

I’ve fallen off the wagon.  I feel like I haven’t run in forever.  If I tried to run, I think it might hurt and I’ll be starting at zero again.  Such a loss considering what I had accomplished 7months ago and where my training had brought me back to a couple months ago.  But life will happen whether you plan for it or not and my failure to plan working out has left me feeling like a slug.

Luckily, resolutions can be made at any time and with the realization that swimsuit season will be beginning for me in the form of a family vacation, I have resolved to begin anew.  Working out will not take a back seat the way it has for the last 2 months.  I’ll pick a time and do it.  I know I’ll love it once I get in the groove but boy, does it suck finding your groove again.

I think I would like to switch it up a little.  Running a few times a week and doing another aerobic activity the other days.  I’ve always enjoyed things like Tae Bo but I’m not sure what I should do with my non-running days.  Any and all suggestions are welcome as long as it’s not biking.  I’m a complete spaz on 2 wheels.

My friend, Deb forwarded me this email.  Whether it’s true or not, I found it funny.  I actually have an easier time believing it’s real just because of how often I find people that are ‘religious’ are completely devoid of humor.  As if saving your soul means casting out your funny bone.  Enjoy!

 This is literally a ‘church signs’ debate, being played out in a Southern US town, between Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church, and Cumberland Presbyterian, a fundamentalist church.  From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time.

The Catholics are displaying a much better sense of humor!  You get the impression that the Presbyterians are actually taking this seriously and are getting a bit upset…

Somehow the topic of unconditional love popped up in a conversation I was having the other day.  While I didn’t have much time to ponder it right then, the concept stayed with me and I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately.  Unconditional love… what does that mean?

In theory, I think that people would say it’s a great thing.  It’s romantic to love someone unconditionally but is it sane?  Is it realistic?  By definition, unconditional love means that I’ve erased all conditions.  I will love you no matter what.  And while that may sound swell to some folk, it sounds terrible to me.  Imagine it… you love someone no matter how they treat you.  You love someone no matter how they treat others.  No matter what.

I think a lot of people would say that they love their spouse unconditionally but do you?  If they beat you, would you still love them?  What if they beat your children?  At some point, to save yourself and your kids, you would have to stop loving them.  Your sanity and your health would depend on it. 

Next would be the unconditional love of a child.  I would say in most instances, this would be the most realistic form of unconditional love.  But once again, is it feasible that in every instance you would always love your child?  If they were a mass murderer could you keep loving them?  What if they were a serial rapist?  Or a child molester?  Honestly, would there still be love in your heart?  Or would it slowly be erased away with each atrocity?  I don’t know.  

It seems inconceivable to me that a person could truly love anyone with a pure, unconditional love.  To be honest, I don’t think I would want someone to love me unconditionally.  That seems too easy.  Things that come for free are hardly ever valued as highly as something that you had to work extra hard to get.  If I know that I can lose it, I cherish it. 

What do you think?