It’s just too damn cold around here.  I’m used to saying that 6 months of the year.  Winter is way too long.  The cold sucks your soul dry and the clouds will drive you to depression. 

But the reward for sticking out yet another miserable Michigan winter is the promise of a warm and sunny summer.  The heat and humidity of June, July and August is about the last thread I cling to when February’s melancholy refuses to abate.  It’s that contract with Mother Nature that keeps me sustained.  I cleave to it and count the months until my promise is fulfilled.

This year, Mother Nature has reneged on me.  She’s heartlessly cast aside our previous agreement and written up a new one.  I shall suffer through a miserable winter and then a cold and rainy summer. 

It’s completely unfair.  I lived up to my end of the bargain and now she’ not fulfilling her end.  She’s a cruel mistress and I, her jilted lover.

Alas, the school year is nearly done.  Today is Emma’s last day and jam packed with all kinds of fun things.  A field trip to the park, a funny guest speaker… all of these events need my presence.  While I’m always delighted at the chance to work at Em’s school or do a field trip with them, I’m a little overwhelmed right now.  The B family vacation to Ludington starts Saturday and there’s much work to be done.

It’s a little exhausting getting ready to leave.  So much preperation.  There’s not only your regular duties you need to fufull but then life likes to throw you some curve balls at the last second.  Four extra time consuming tasks were thrown onto my lists just yesterday.  And lists… geez, the lists I have going.  If stressing were measured in the amount of lists you’re making, I am officially wigging out. 

My lists contain a seemingly impossible amount of chores, errands and duties that never seem to get crossed off.  It feels like I’m just spinning my wheels and at the end of the day, what have I accomplished?  I thought I had managed to curb the ant infestation I woke up to Monday morning, only to see some stragglers coming in my kitchen window last night.  Gross!  Trips to the dealership, ironing out problems with the van ONLY to have the problem cease to exist the first time the technician tries it.  I swear it’s been acting up for almost an entire year!!!  Our renter calling yesterday and giving me her laundry list of problems that all need to be fixed asap (including getting a new dryer).  It’s enough to make me want to climb back in bed and tell someone else to deal with it.

But of course, there is noone else to deal with it.  Dan is officially working a bagillionhours this week in order to get the project done far enough that his absence will not be felt.  He staggers home after a 15hr day and we manage to watch tv together a half hour before we both close our eyes in exhaustion.  I joked with him that we’d certainly have a lot to talk about during the 2hr drive to Ludington but reality will probably be him falling asleep on the trip up.  I can’t blame him.

Speaking of sleep, my dreams have become every increasingly weird this week.  Every night, they are filled with a continuous stream of odd.  And a reoccurring dream of peeing on myself is starting to disturb me… cuz, what’s that about???

And so I’ve dubbed this post fin to… I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of fin to do something.  I’m fin to do and redo all the things that are on my lists and the 327 things that I haven’t even had time to add.  Do, do and fin to do.

I realize I might be toeing a dangerous line here.  Having the gall to complain about going on vacation.  Yes, I get the irony.  So let me say this… I am absolutely delighted to go on vacation and get away.  I just wish it didn’t mean the week beforehand would be so chaotic.  Us control freaks don’t enjoy the ride.

I can’t believe it’s really been 2wks since my last post.  How does it go by so fast?  Life is so busy.  I like it that way but sometimes, it’s nice to have a moment to breathe.  I feel like we tend to pack our lives full of obligations that we have to do and forget to take time to do the things we want to do.  We forget to play games with our kids, take a walk or spend time talking to our husband.  Exercise and taking care of ourselves takes a backseat until we stop to ask ourselves where the time has gone and how we ended up here?

I’ve fallen off the wagon.  I feel like I haven’t run in forever.  If I tried to run, I think it might hurt and I’ll be starting at zero again.  Such a loss considering what I had accomplished 7months ago and where my training had brought me back to a couple months ago.  But life will happen whether you plan for it or not and my failure to plan working out has left me feeling like a slug.

Luckily, resolutions can be made at any time and with the realization that swimsuit season will be beginning for me in the form of a family vacation, I have resolved to begin anew.  Working out will not take a back seat the way it has for the last 2 months.  I’ll pick a time and do it.  I know I’ll love it once I get in the groove but boy, does it suck finding your groove again.

I think I would like to switch it up a little.  Running a few times a week and doing another aerobic activity the other days.  I’ve always enjoyed things like Tae Bo but I’m not sure what I should do with my non-running days.  Any and all suggestions are welcome as long as it’s not biking.  I’m a complete spaz on 2 wheels.

The most resent dilemma in our lives has been our cat, Cash.  From the time that we got him 13yrs ago as a tiny kitten to now, he’s been more temperamental than Quigley.  He  standard of cat box cleanliness is much higher than hers and his tolerance for change is minimal to put it mildly.   When he was angered punishment often came in the form of something getting peed on.

When we adopted Bailey, Cash disapproved of her immensely and a month later, Emma was born.  He was terrified of both Bailey and this baby that had invaded his home.  His solution was to mainly stay in the basement.  Adding another baby (Gerrit) and a new pup (Scout) only reinforced this behavior.  He only came upstairs to drink and we only saw him when we went down to feed the cats. 

It seemed like a pathetic existance and we would toss around the idea of finding him another home.  These conversations often arose with the discovery of something ruined with cat urine.  Why were we keeping a cat that refused to integrate into our family and was ruining things?  Theoretically, we should get rid of him but in reality, we couldn’t.

Fast forward to a brand new finished basement.  While Dan worked down there, he and Cash quickly became chums.  Cash was delighted to have someone in his element so often and Dan was reminded of how Cash really was a cool cat.  Emma had always loved Cash even though she had only seen him for fleeting seconds a handful of times in her life. (Conversations with Emma) 

The ability to hang out with Cash in his environment, has only deepened her love.  Cash has always LOVED a balled up piece of paper and as soon as he hears the crinkle of paper, he will come running out.  So Emma has started playing fetch with him.  He climbs on her lap when she is sitting on the couch and they snuggle forever.  When she calls him, he comes running out.  They are the best of pals.

So the discovery of the first pee stain on the carpet was devastating.  I found one in the corner and cleaned it.  I resolved to make sure the cat boxes were cleaner thinking that this would solve it.  The next day, the carpet was wet again.  I sobbed telling Dan that I thought we had to get rid of Cash.  He replied that he didn’t want to get rid of him, Emma would be crushed.  And the truth is, we would be too.

It’s hard to explain to a non-cat lover the level of devotion and love that you can have for an animal that ruins your things.  The easiest solution is to dispose of the animal, obviously.  No more peeing on your stuff, done.  But I just can’t do that yet.  I feel as if there’s a solution and I have to find it.  If I exhaust every avenue and it’s still a problem, then we’ll cross that road when we come to it.  But for now, I’ll cling to a hope.

I had read online that to change a cat that had behaviorally started peeing in spots or marking, you should put down aluminum foil.  While most animals are afraid of the foil, Cash actually likes it.  He is reminded of his wadded up paper and he thinks it’s play time.  I did put the foil down but we put a paper towel dipped in vinegar on top of it.  That was working until this morning, I was on the computer and heard him howling.  Then I heard the russle of foil.  I ran over there and yelled at him to stop.  I looked down and saw that he had peed blood.  No urine, just blood.

So now, my hopes are raised.  Although I’m completely dreading taking him to the vet (which he hasn’t been to in 12yrs), I’m hopefully that this means it’s medical and not behavioral.  Maybe he can change.  Maybe we can all live the harmoniously life we all are wishing for.  I really hope so.

For a person who believes strongly in the power of change, I find myself doubting people’s ability to do so.  Maybe deep inside I’m really a skeptic.  Maybe I’ve just seen too many people fail. 

I know that people can change if they really want to… but what I doubt is their desire to do it.  Is it that they’re too complacent?  Do they not have the know how to do it?  Or do they think that they have when in reality, they did  for a minute but have returned to their former selves? 

Obviously, people are unique and different and it’s unfair to lump them all together in one failing bunch.  I try to keep believing that people can change their ways, give them the benefit of the doubt.  But I suppose that somewhere in my brain I’m thinking they probably won’t.  I hope they will, I hope I’m wrong but so many times, I’m not.

I wonder if it makes me a cynic or a realist?  I do honestly believe that every one of us has the power to change ourselves… I don’t know why they don’t.

About a month ago, I registered for my next long distance run, The 5/3 Riverbank Run.  This one would be a 25k (15 miles) and would take place in May.  It’s a huge race here and I had heard great things about the energy and participation.  I was excited to train for a race and execute it without injuries this time.  How well could I do if I was able to train without an injury every month and a tiny bit of experience behind me?

I started training about 2 weeks ago.  An actual training schedule for a 25k  is harder to locate than you’d think so I just decided to go with the half marathon schedule but add in a couple weeks.  I figured out what days and times I’d be able to get my run in before the extra kids come or after and wrapped my brain around training for this thing almost entirely on a treadmill!  Big difference to me.

Then last Wednesday, I took Emma to register for her spring session of cheerleading.  I asked the coach if she knew their regional competition date and she gave me the sheet with all the dates.  Awesome… May 9th.  The same day and time as my race.  Now what?

I pondered it and pondered it.  What do I do?  Of course, I didn’t want to miss Emma’s competition.  On the other hand, the race was important to me.  I don’t want to teach my kids that I gave up every part of what makes up me just because I became a mom.  I think it’s good for parents to have outside interests besides their children.  But could I live with myself if I wasn’t there to see her compete?  I’m pretty sure that I’d cry the whole 15miles to myself.  So there it is.  While I haven’t officially asked for a refund, I know that I could never be in Grand Rapids while Emma was competing in Kalamazoo. 

And just like my decision to train was made 2 wks ago, my decision to not run the race is made as well.  Good thing that the 2nd choice doesn’t influence the 1st, so training I will continue.  My mother in law asked me what I was training for now.  I’m not sure exactly… maybe my imaginary Riverbank run.  But I know if a race does come along, I’ll be ready for it

Saturday was the Michigan State Cheerleading competition in Kalamazoo.  Emma’s competition started at 8am and she had to be to her coach by 7:30am.  Having lived in Michigan long enough to know that you can never depend on the weather or roads to be great during winter, we had decided to book a hotel the night before. 

Gerrit watching the Transformer movie on the way down to K-zoo

Emma watching the movie in the van

We headed down early Friday afternoon and checked into the hotel with plans to eat dinner quickly and leave the rest of the night open for the kids to swim in the pool.  We got back to swim at about 5:30 and were to the pool by 6pm.  Unfortunately, the pool at the Best Western was dissappointing to put it mildly.  The pool room was dimly lit and the water was freezing!!!  I attempted to get into the water but only made it up to my knees before I told the kids no way!  Emma swam for almost 10min and then her lips were purple and she was shaking in the water.  I had the kids get out and come with me to the hot tub but that was mega hot and no thermastat available to change it.  We gave up and headed back to the room. 

Emma & Gerrit watching a movie at the hotel

It was frustrating to all of us and I am pretty dissappointed in the hotel.  The hotel’s excuse for the  frigid water was that there were a lot of people in it.  I’m not sure on what planet that might work for a reason but not here on earth.  So note to all those who are planning on staying at the Best Western by Wing’s Stadium in Kalamazoo… don’t plan on swimming in the pool!!!!

Saturday morning came early and we got everything ready.  I was so nervous for Emma and the girls that I had trouble sleeping.  But I was excited for them!  How were they going to fare compared to these other teams?  Obviously, the teams here had beat out a lot of other ones to compete today and so there was going to be some serious competition.  I got her dropped off to her team and wished her coach good luck, then went and took my seat. 

Emma’s team practicing before the competition starts (click the watch in high quality for better viewing)

Emma’s team (middleville/otsego) was #26 of 27  teams to perform and as I sat and watched the other team’s routines, I worried more and more.  This was going to be tough!  They had the teams split into small, medium & big size teams.  Middlville/Otsego has 30+ girls on it and definitely qualifies as a big team.

Emma’s team taking the mat

They performed their little hearts out!  I was so proud of them for all the hard work they had done to get there.  They did great but was it good enough?  We wouldn’t have to wait long to find out.

Emma cheering with her team

Go Middleville/Otsego!!!

In the press box, anxiously waiting for the results

We had taken over the press box in the stands which was pretty handy actually.  It gave us more room to sit and a place to put all our stuff.  Niles was our closest competition at Regionals and they had done even better this time.  When they were called for #3 place and then Southgate/Gibraltor/Brighton were called for #2, we nearly gave up hope.

First place went to…  MIDDLEVILLE/OTSEGO!!!!!!  They did it!!!  Emma’s team was #1 in the state of Michigan!!!  Holy cow!  I was so overcome with emotion.  We were screaming and I was jumping up & down.  Tears filled my eyes and as I looked around, I saw I wasn’t the only one.  They had really done it! 

I made my way down to the floor and when I found her, she told me “I won momma!” 

“I know baby!  I’m so proud of you!” I told her.  She showed me her new trophy and her new blue 1st place ribbon.

Emma & I with her new trophy & 1st place ribbon

Dan- It started about a month ago… our string of random oddities that has left us seeking the council of a physician.  Dan had been working on a dealership and had a terrible reaction to the epoxy grout.  When I say terrible, imagine sores all over his arms, legs and his face.  They itched, were very painful and looked horrible.  Dan used every over the counter product available but nothing worked.  Finally, 2 days before Christmas, he noticed that his knee was swollen, looked red and felt hot.  I had just started us with a local doctor for situations like this, trying to avoid the high cost of med centers/ER’s since we basically have no insurance to pay for it.  I figured we would rather pay a Dr’s office than a hospital bill.  I call the new Dr’s office only to find that they closed 10 min ago… it was 4:40pm  

We decided to watch it and see what happens.  We assumed it was infected somehow but it didn’t seem to be rapidly growing.  Dan talked to his parents and his dad insisted that he go to the Med Center that night.  Dad came and got Dan and took him.  They got back a couple hours later, the diagnosis… part of the terrible epoxy reaction.  The doctor prescribed 2 types of medications to take orally and a prescription ointment. 

Gerrit-Last week Sunday, it was a lazy day for the kids.  I tried to catch up on housework and snow blow the driveway.  Around 6, Gerrit complained that his back hurt.  He had had a lot of stinkers that day and while I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, I had noticed that it was a weird color and not normal.  He didn’t want to eat dinner because his stomach hurt and when it was time for bed, he went potty one more time.  As I helped him pull his pj’s back on, I happened to glance in the toilet and what I saw surprised me… a puddle of pink.  I told Dan to take a look and we both had the same idea… blood.  I make a call to his dr’s office and talk with the after hours nurse.  I tell her that he’s been acting fine all day except that he has been on the verge of diarhea, it’s weird colored and now we believe he peed blood.  She decides we need to take him to the ER.  “Wow” I say “The ER, huh?  We can’t just take him to the Med Center?”  She advises me that we should take him to the ER and not just any hospital… the one downtown with the pediatric unit would be best. 

So off Gerrit & I go.  Emma is asleep already so we decide that Dan should just stay home.  As I drive in the crappy snow/ice covered roads, I think to myself that if I’d known I’d have to make so many trips to the hospital up a big giant hill, I would have waited to sell the Expedition.  As I pray myself up the slippery hill, sliding and barely moving forward, I contemplate how much this is going to cost us and hope he’s ok. 

We arrive and buddy has already fallen asleep in the van.  I carry him akwardly thru the parking ramp and into the ER where there is a line.  He’s starting to get heavy at this point but I can’t just lay him down on a bench and leave him while I check in.  There’s a couple shady looking people hanging out there and I can’t leave my 4 year old alone.  He keeps conking out on me and as the minutes tick by, I have to shift him back and forth as his head rolls back over and over again.  Finally, we check in and after about 10 min, we get called back to the triage room.  I tell them all the same symptoms as I did the nurse before and she tells me they’ll probably want a urine sample.   We go back out to the lobby and wait.  We had arrived shortly before 9pm and while they were a little busy, I wouldn’t say it was booming with sick people.  As far as I could tell, our wait wouldn’t be long. 

2 hours, 3 emergency trips to the bathroom and a urine sample later, I am pissed.  The ER lobby is empty.  EMPTY!  People that came in long after us, that walked in, had already been called back.  In fact, I saw a person that had been in the lobby when we came in, come back from being seen and discharged already!  What the hell?  I walk up to the front desk and ask them if we missed his name being called on one of our trips to the bathroom.  She says no, things got messed up and a minute later we get called back.

Apparently, coming downtown for the ped’s unit was a complete loss because they had no beds open in the unit so we were sent to the general population.  At this point, it’s 11pm and I am furious.  As we sit and wait again for the doctor to come in, I listen as the ghetto chick next to us drops enough F-bombs and sh*t’s to satisfy a sailor for an entire year. 

After spending a half hour listening to her loud and ignorant conversations, and watching the clock tick by as my son complains more and more of his stomach hurting, I feel like dropping some F-bombs myself.  The intern comes in and spends about 5 min checking him out.  She asks good questions and looks him over then tells me she’s going to consult with the resident. 

A couple minutes later, he comes in and tells me that there wasn’t any blood in his urine sample.  I agree and tell him that it wasn’t anywhere near the same color as what was in the toilet at home almost 4hrs ago.  He says that he thinks Gerrit just needs to drink more water and that we should go home.  Excuse me?  WTF?  I’m confused… so what did we see?  That wasn’t blood?  He tells me that he can’t say that for sure because he didn’t get to see it but they didn’t find any traces of blood cells in his urine now.  So he’s thinking he’s fine and he’s looking at me like I’m a ridiculous mother who just rushed her son to the ER when all he needed was another glass of water today.

I’ve reached my limit now.  I’m miserable with my own sickness, it’s 11:40pm, I drove through crap to get here and I’ve just wasted almost 3 hrs of my life sitting in a hospital which is going to cost me an absurd amount of money and now the doctor is telling me there is nothing wrong.  Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted that my son is fine.  That’s what every mother hopes and prays for.  But why the hell did the nurse tell me I needed to go to the ER if all they needed to do was a freaking urine sample???

I’m passed the point of politeness and the doctor can tell I’m fuming.  He tries to make me feel better by saying that I can at least sleep easy now tonight knowing nothing is wrong.  No, not really doc… I still don’t know why my son peed something completely resembling blood and now I get to think about a ginormous bill I get to pay in a month.  Sleep easy was a few hundred dollars ago.  He does all the pacifying and justifying he can do about why I was told to come there and then leaves.  We get discharged and I’m left simmering to myself.

Chris-  It seems as though sickness has taken over my body.  It might have been something resembling a viscous cold but has migrated into a horrible green sinus infestation.  My sinus’ are angry and there seems to be nothing I can do to appease them.  It started about 2 weeks ago and has grown and wained back and forth.  A week ago, I hit a wall… it was so bad that it was now leaking out my eyes while I slept.  I awoke to find my eyes both crusted shut with the same substance that has been living in my sinus cavities.  Awful.  I got 6 days worth of antibiotics from my sister and some eyedrops used for pink eye.  I didn’t think  I actually had pink eye but I was willing to try anything. 

I finished the antibiotics on Wednesday and felt like I was on the mend even if I wasn’t fantastic but everyday seems to be a slow decline back to the original sinus war.  I refuse to go to the doctor after all these bills.  I have a distinct feeling that if I were to go, he would say I’m on the recovering end of this travesty and prescribe amoxycillian.  In my experience, amoxycillian is about as useful as Pez and won’t do anything.  And so I suffer, waiting to get better.  Hoping everyday when I open my eyes, there won’t be gunk in them, my nose will be clear and my throat will no longer be raw and my head not feel like it’s in a vice.