Gerrit started preschool this week and it’s been a harder transition on me than either of the kids. Of course, us mommies tend to make things way more stressful than they need be and so I’ve done my best to make myself as crazed as possible.
Since Emma’s school starts an hour earlier than Gerrit’s, I get them both up about 6:45am and get them dressed, teeth brushed, hair done and start breakfast. If Emma wasn’t such an amazingly slow eater, she could sleep longer but that just ain’t gonna happen. Gerrit eats round #1 breakfast with her and then we load up in the car to drop her off.
Emma’s school actually prefers parents to drop their kids off in the circle drive rather than walking them in. They have helpers out there to unload kids so starting Wednesday, I stopped walking her in and dropped her at the door. The first time, I told her ahead of time that I would just be driving up and she would walk in all by herself. In true Emma fashion, she was amazingly excited at the prospect of doing something BIG and NEW. The helper came to the door and took her hand and led her to the walkway. For an instant, she stood there looking just a tad bit confused. I pulled ahead to the curb to watch and make sure she got in ok. She started following all the kids to the front door and then she disappeared inside.
Now, Emma’s natural instinct is to be excited about all things new, my natural instinct is fear. So as my baby girl disapeared inside the school, I started doubting if I had done the right thing. Had I explained it enough to her? Was she just standing inside the front doors waiting for me to come? I silently fretted to myself but I knew I had to leave. The baby (Nadia) that I started watching on Mon/Tues/Wed was waiting for me and I couldn’t be late.
For the next 2 miles, I drove and answered mindlessly to Gerrit a series of ‘uh huhs and oh yeahs?’ as he jabbered to me about stuff. I pulled into the parking lot to wait for Nadia’s mom to meet me at our predetermined meeting place still worrying. I had visions of Emma standing at the door confused, kids walking past her while she tried to ask them where she goes and where her mommy was. I mentally chastised myself for not going over it with her more.
As these horrible visions played in my head, I heard my cell phone ringing… it was my neighbor, Sandy. I answered and Sandy started telling me how she saw Emma at the school and Emma was so proud of herself for walking in alone. “Oh my gosh! You saw her? She made it ok to her class?” I asked. I felt so relieved. Sandy said to me how Emma was beaming ear to ear and was nearly bursting at the seams when she told her about walking in all by herself.
Of course. I wasn’t actually surprised. I was overwelmingly relieved but I wasn’t surprised. That’s my Em. She is a daredevil and I’m a worrywart. Dually noted. Sometimes I just need that reminder. She is taking to all of these changes like a champ. So is Gerrit. I’ll write about his first day of school in another post. I just thought it was funny how our kids can teach us lessons just by being their natural little selves.
As I stated before, my natural instinct is to be fearful but I fight that urge for my kids. I would be devastated to raise my kids to be scared all the time. I want them to be independent, adventurous and brave kids. And that means a lot of times, smiling and cheering when I want to scream ‘STOP’! I think I’m getting better but these new situations are a battle. I’m proud of my baby girl.