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Back in the day, when I first started driving bus, there were 2 other Chris’ that worked at the bus garage. The other drivers referred to them as ‘big Chris’ and ‘little Chris’. When I showed up, ‘little Chris’ got promoted to ‘middle Chris’ and ‘big Chris’ started taking offense to being referred to as ‘big’ (imagine that?). To solve this dilemma, I told the drivers to call me Christine. It was weird at first since I’ve been called Chris for so long but I adapted. I was only 20 at the time so I felt this was a positive step… a grown up name for my grown up job ergo making me feel like a grown up. Christine was my work name and never filtered into my outside life. So when I quit 4yrs ago, I retired my Christine name as well.
Then last night, the instructor needed someone to jump out the back of the bus for a practice evacuation and he asked me to… “Christine, could you be my helper?”. I almost looked behind me because it sounded so weird to my ears. Then someone else called me Christine and it dawned on me that I was back.
Part of me feels like I’m rewinding my life. Playing a rerun. As if I am resting on my laurels. Going back to something familiar and safe instead of branching out and daring something new. Can the old Christine adapt to the Chris I’ve become in the last 4yrs? Can she play catch up? Or will an old environment stifle the freedom and comfortableness I’ve grown into who I am today?
My goal is to flip it. Take a new Christine and have some old adventures. Create a better Christine. Grown but still fun. Responsible but rediculous. Strong but kind. Growing… changing… evolving.