I had planned on writing about the marathon today. The kids & I have been enduring the ‘sickness’ that is flying through the schools and I just didn’t have it in me to emote the events of the race until I felt a little better. I’ll have to save it for a nearby date though. A black cloud moved into my life last night and I feel like I need to get it out before I can move on.
I found out last night that a very dear friend of mine has breast cancer. And while knowing that detail, the rest seems to be unknown at this time. To say I felt like I had gotten hit by a Mack truck would be an understatement. I had known that a biopsy had been done and was expecting results yesterday but my mind immediately chose to believe the best. I didn’t realize how much I had expected the news to be good until I faced the alternative.
My throat choked with sorrow and I took a deep breath to try to swallow down a sob. Her son had called me to give me the news and it seemed incredibly unfair to cry to him about it. I struggled to compose myself, my mind racing with questions. How far has it gone? What’s the next step? How is she? How is all of her family handling this news? My brain seemed unable to absorb all the information.
I hung up and felt it all. Sorrow, worry, fear, hope, love. I haven’t had to experience this diagnosis with someone so close to me. Cancer is all around us. People are diagnosed everyday. But I’ve been spared dealing with it. Now, it feels like a flood. Like a little earthquake has come and shaken up my life. In Tori Amos’ song Little Earthquakes, she says ‘doesn’t take much to rip us into pieces’. That’s so true. Until I know more about the diagnosis, my heart is just tilting on the verge, waiting to shatter… waiting to be whole.
My friend is amazing. She’s stronger than I could ever be. She’s a fighter and an overcomer. I’ll be strong for her and we’ll get through this. As she told me “we ran a half marathon… we can do anything”. Her strength is inspiring and her soul is beautiful. We’ll fight, we’ll conquer and we’ll grow in the journey.