Dang me

My friend, Jen over at The Big Binder shared hers and I thought it sounded like a great way to purge the guilt of my hypocrisy.  Here’s my top 10 things I SWORE I Would Never Do But I Did…

1. Go to concerts

A long, long time ago Dan and I went to approximately 3 concerts together.  We decided together that they were awful.  Expensive, loud and overcrowded.  Then I went to Willie’s concert and last night I saw The Band Perry, Eden’s Edge and Reba McEntire.  You know what?  I think I like them.  I just have to stop going to country music ones before I lose my street cred.

2. Let my kids eat poptarts or fruit snacks

I have this idea in my head that poptarts and fruit snacks give kids brain cancer.  I know it’s ridiculous and has exactly zero merit.  Yet I don’t try to change my reasoning because they are junk.  Pure and simple crap.  They might not give my kids brain cancer but they sure don’t help them be healthy.  I admit it though, I succumb to their begging every once in a while.  I still hate them.

3. Have another pet in this house before one of the current pets leaves

I’ve said for years, nothing else will live in this house until something that’s alive is gone.  That worked for a while.  Then enter Jaguar Carpet Python stage left.  At least it doesn’t have fur.

4. Drive a minivan

The best way to explain the demise of my resolve can be found here

5. Run

I never in a million years expected to become a runner.  In fact, if they had a category for it in high school, I would have been voted Least Likely To Run Even If Someone Is Chasing Her Down.  I was a lazy, fast food binging, grunge listening, cigarette smoking, bad ass.  Running was for idiots.  Then I figured out being lazy, binge eating fast food and smoking was for idiots.  And the runners I knew were actually the bad asses.  Grunge is still awesome!

6. Leave the house in my slippers

Slippers are for wearing in your house.  It defeats the purpose of taking your shoes off and putting on slippers if you wear them in the great outdoors.  Yet this morning, I sadly left my house wearing slippers.  And pajamas.  And my bathrobe.  Don’t judge me.

 7. Sing karaoke

I am a terrible singer.  Like super not good.  I know this and I try not to purposefully torture people so I vowed to never sing Karaoke.  Then I got sick of people NOT EVER singing American Pie.  That song is fantastic and it needed to sung.  It wasn’t pretty.  Or even decent.  At least no one cried.

8. Mow the lawn

When I was in middle school, I read a book about a girl who’s brother died after he ran himself over with a lawn mower.  They liked to play tricks on each other and she was busy hiding a plastic snake in his bed while he was mowing outside.  She heard an awful noise and went running out to find him laying in the grass.  Bloody, with his guts hanging out.  She held his lifeless body and screamed for help, crying.  Ugh!  Immediately, I became petrified of lawn mowers.  It didn’t matter that he was on a riding lawn mower.  Or that the book was FICTION.  Did not matter.  Then I married a guy who works from sun up  to sun down most days in the summer.  Now I mow.

9.  Like a Brittany Spears song

This one was by far the easiest promise to keep to myself.  Brittany actually did most of the work.  Horrible song after horrible song kept me away.  Then she released I Wanna Go and I was suckered.  I think it was the whistling.

10. Eat an entire pie by myself 

Ok, I never actually swore out loud that I would never do this but I think it’s implied as a human being.  In my defense, Horrock’s Dutch Apple Pie is like crack.  As I admit to it, I still can’t say I would never do it again.  I just might.

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About Chris

These are the pieces of my life and those that make it worth living
This entry was posted in Me, Other Peeps, Random Ramblings, Shout outs, Uncategorized, Woe is me and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Dang me

  1. as long as you didn’t eat the pie in one sitting….

  2. OMG number 8 is hilarious… it’s interesting that many of yours are vowed out of fear. I think you should congratulate yourself on overcoming your fears 🙂

  3. Chris says:

    Random… it did, in fact, take me 3 days to eat it. I consumed pie and ONLY pie for every meal until it was gone. Gosh, when I say it like that, it sounds pathetic.

    Jen… I think my super hidden talent is actually overcoming fears. It helps to start out afraid of mostly everything. Then you work on rational and reasoning. Don’t worry, I’m still afraid of LOTS of things!

  4. MitchyMom says:

    I, too, swore I would never drive a minivan, yet I not only drive one, I own one! Sad, I know. And I still miss my “before” car, my Ford Edge, quite a bit. But, to be fair, the minivan is perfect for my many trips across the state. I can separate my kids and better yet, throw in a movie or two and drive without a peep from either one. Bonus – I get full control of the radio and can even sing along without complaint (unless my hubby gets dragged along for the ride!). 😉

    • Chris says:

      The only downside I’ve found to driving a minivan is that it looks like a minivan. I forget that while I’m in it. I feel sweet with my ghetto rap blasting and then I pass my reflection in a building. Doh! Reality can be such a downer.

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