My friend, Jen over at The Big Binder shared hers and I thought it sounded like a great way to purge the guilt of my hypocrisy. Here’s my top 10 things I SWORE I Would Never Do But I Did…
1. Go to concerts
A long, long time ago Dan and I went to approximately 3 concerts together. We decided together that they were awful. Expensive, loud and overcrowded. Then I went to Willie’s concert and last night I saw The Band Perry, Eden’s Edge and Reba McEntire. You know what? I think I like them. I just have to stop going to country music ones before I lose my street cred.
2. Let my kids eat poptarts or fruit snacks
I have this idea in my head that poptarts and fruit snacks give kids brain cancer. I know it’s ridiculous and has exactly zero merit. Yet I don’t try to change my reasoning because they are junk. Pure and simple crap. They might not give my kids brain cancer but they sure don’t help them be healthy. I admit it though, I succumb to their begging every once in a while. I still hate them.
3. Have another pet in this house before one of the current pets leaves
I’ve said for years, nothing else will live in this house until something that’s alive is gone. That worked for a while. Then enter Jaguar Carpet Python stage left. At least it doesn’t have fur.
4. Drive a minivan
The best way to explain the demise of my resolve can be found here
I never in a million years expected to become a runner. In fact, if they had a category for it in high school, I would have been voted Least Likely To Run Even If Someone Is Chasing Her Down. I was a lazy, fast food binging, grunge listening, cigarette smoking, bad ass. Running was for idiots. Then I figured out being lazy, binge eating fast food and smoking was for idiots. And the runners I knew were actually the bad asses. Grunge is still awesome!
6. Leave the house in my slippers
Slippers are for wearing in your house. It defeats the purpose of taking your shoes off and putting on slippers if you wear them in the great outdoors. Yet this morning, I sadly left my house wearing slippers. And pajamas. And my bathrobe. Don’t judge me.
7. Sing karaoke
I am a terrible singer. Like super not good. I know this and I try not to purposefully torture people so I vowed to never sing Karaoke. Then I got sick of people NOT EVER singing American Pie. That song is fantastic and it needed to sung. It wasn’t pretty. Or even decent. At least no one cried.
8. Mow the lawn
When I was in middle school, I read a book about a girl who’s brother died after he ran himself over with a lawn mower. They liked to play tricks on each other and she was busy hiding a plastic snake in his bed while he was mowing outside. She heard an awful noise and went running out to find him laying in the grass. Bloody, with his guts hanging out. She held his lifeless body and screamed for help, crying. Ugh! Immediately, I became petrified of lawn mowers. It didn’t matter that he was on a riding lawn mower. Or that the book was FICTION. Did not matter. Then I married a guy who works from sun up to sun down most days in the summer. Now I mow.
9. Like a Brittany Spears song
This one was by far the easiest promise to keep to myself. Brittany actually did most of the work. Horrible song after horrible song kept me away. Then she released I Wanna Go and I was suckered. I think it was the whistling.
10. Eat an entire pie by myself
Ok, I never actually swore out loud that I would never do this but I think it’s implied as a human being. In my defense, Horrock’s Dutch Apple Pie is like crack. As I admit to it, I still can’t say I would never do it again. I just might.