I’ve come to a point that I never thought I would. A moment in time that I must admit I’ve lost the love. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it could come to this but it’s true. I just don’t love running like I used to. In fact, I’ve come to despise it. Out of shape and out of love, its been incredibly hard to make myself do it. And so I haven’t. Period. I stopped running. I stopped working out. Content to sit on the couch and veg.
At first, I denied it. I told myself that I still enjoyed it, that my love was still strong. But that only made it worse because I knew it wasn’t the same. It was different. A bad kind of different. And knowing how much I used to love it made it that much harder to admit that it wasn’t in me anymore. Until the day I finally said it out loud.
It was kind of a relief to finally let it out. To say that it wasn’t the same. Maybe admitting it was the first step in making it better? But it wasn’t. I knew the answer was in doing it more. Be more consistent. But it felt so horrible, I just couldn’t make myself. And the memory of how much I used to love it only added to my frustration. Why was it different? Where had my love gone?
Some people think that runners are born. That it burns deep in their genetic makeup, driving them to lace up a pair of sneakers and pound the pavement. They think that just because runners love to run that they ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will. I don’t think that’s true. I think runners are made. Their desire to become runners overrides the horrible agony that starting to run brings forth. The truth is, it doesn’t feel good at first. It feels terrible. Your legs hate you, your lungs burn and you feel like you’re going to puke. But becoming a runner means overcoming all that in hopes that it will feel better someday. The sooner the better.
Falling in love takes time and so I’m giving myself 30 days to get there again or at the very least, crush hard again. Yesterday was Day #1 and today was Day #2. I did my time on the treadmill. Here is my committment to running at least 30 min every day and documenting where I’m at. My journey back to being a runner will be shared with you. Hopefully, me and running will become a pair again… like rock & roll and the radio.