I still care for you

I admit it.  I’ve been hiding out, avoiding my blog.  As long as I stayed busy and didn’t pour my thoughts onto a post, I wouldn’t have to think too hard about how I feel.  How much it hurts me that Quigley is gone.  I feel silly.  Getting that upset about losing a pet.  I mean, there are people dealing with the loss of a spouse or a child.  How could I possibly complain about my cat dying when she lived a long and happy life?

And so I tried to stay busy.  That was no problem over the weekend.  Gerrit had his basketball game and Emma had the Father/Daughter dance.  Church and family dinner on Sunday.  It was easy to brush aside my thoughts.  Focus on the kids instead of my sadness.  Then Monday came and I was alone again.

I tried to be rational and reasonable.  Reminding myself that I had grieved the day she died.  I cried… a lot.  My frog eyes the next day were a testimony to that fact.  Now I needed to let it go.  One day should be enough, I told myself.  But my heart doesn’t want to listen.  It still hurts.  It still expects to see her sleeping on the kid’s beds or to come meowing into the kitchen with the clatter of dishes from me making food.  I still wake up at night expecting to see her lying next to my face, for the rumble of her purr as I pet her sleepily.

It takes time, I know.  15 years is a long time to have a friend and I shouldn’t demand myself to get over her in one day.  As I broke the news to Emma & Gerrit, I reminded them that it’s ok to be sad about her.  That it’s good to miss her because it means we really loved her.  I guess I need to accept that for myself.  Rest in peace sweet Quigles.

 

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About Chris

These are the pieces of my life and those that make it worth living
This entry was posted in Cat tales, Me, My family, The kids, Uncategorized, Woe is me and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I still care for you

  1. 15 years IS a long time to have a friend that loved you, and you them… naturally it will take awhile before that grief subsides. The relationship between humans and pets is pretty awesome. They love us so selflessly, asking for virtually nothing in return. Take your time with your sadness. I am so sorry for the loss of your pet and friend.

  2. You are not alone in your grief. I lost a beautiful cat and, at the time my best friend. Yes, he made it almost 16 years, but he was my constant companion. It’s now been about 8-10 years since I had to have him euthanized, losing a fucking battle with a growing tumor in his jaw that left him unable to swallow, walk a straight line, or control his tongue. I still tear up when I think of him to this day. I’ve also been blessed with the companionship of a beautiful, sleek, black cat for just about 20 years now, if you can believe that, and I dread the day we have to bury him. My wife and I cherish every day we get with him.

    • Chris says:

      Thank you and thank you for sharing your story. It’s incredibly hard to let go. I guess we’re not supposed to let go all the way. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s just not ever easy. Thanks for reading 🙂

  3. mkultra76 says:

    There really is nothing rational or reasonable about love, and that includes loving a Fuzzy Family Friend. Sorry for your loss. 😦

  4. Pingback: Ready to love again | Life, Love and Happiness Weblog

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