If I was the devil

I have a confession to make and it may just change the way you think about me as a mother.  If you choose to keep reading, you’re accepting this risk and vow to not judge me.  Can you do that?

I confess that I do not do crafts with my kids.  Never have and probably never will.  Now, I know that I’m a ‘stay at home’ mom and it’s practically all I should be doing in between all the delicious/nutritious cooking, baking and decorating I do but I haven’t.  I’m pretty sure that it was invented by the devil himself as something to make my life harder.  If it’s not the #1 thing on my list of I Just Don’t Do That it has to be a close #2.  And if there’s some bizarre disease that children contract from lack of crafting, I’ve more or less doomed my offspring to it.

why don’t you craft?  it’s delightful fun! 

Because it’s just not.  Doing crafts to me is akin to going to the dentist.  If it’s not painful, it’s going to be uncomfortable at the very least.  So no, I don’t collect toilet paper rolls and milk cartons to make something magical.  Ever.  I don’t own a glue gun or even know how to safely operate one.  And if you ever see me holding one, I suggest you back away real slow-like as not to startle me.

Now, I’ve know about my lack of crafting skills and I’ve come to terms with it.  There’s some things in life that I’m gifted at and there’s some that I’m not.  I’m totally ok with my inability.  That is until Vocabulary Hat Day comes around every year.

what’s vocabulary hat day, chris?

Great question.  Let me tell you.  In theory, it’s a wonderful concept.  Kids are given a specific vocabulary word that they create a hat to signify the meaning of their word.  Then the kids all wear their hat and march in a parade throughout the school, beaming with pride at their creations. Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?  Well, not to you crafty folks it doesn’t!  But to me, it sounds like utter hell.  Putting my crafting skills on display for the whole entire school is about as much fun as donning a swimsuit and heading to the beach with a Victoria Secret model.  Thanks but no thanks!

The first year, I naively just wrote the word and definition on a piece of paper and taped it to a hat.  I hear you shrieking in horror but yes, that’s exactly what I did.  I didn’t know any better!  Other kids hats were creative and fun.  There stood my kids with their pathetic baseball hats and plain, white paper attached that might as well have said ‘my mommy doesn’t love me’.

Here's a good example

And another one

His parents obviously love him

Seriously, how do I compete with that??

I didn’t know how I was going to do it but this year was going to be different!  I was determined.  Emma’s word was Petalok, i can do that.  Then I saw Gerrit’s word… Sly.  Are you kidding me?!?  I begrudgingly set to work.


Is it sad that I'm proud of my work?

This is the pinnacle of craftiness/creativeness I shall ever behold.  No more Vocabulary Hat Days please.


About Chris

These are the pieces of my life and those that make it worth living
This entry was posted in Me, Other Peeps, School, Stuff that ticks me off, The kids, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to If I was the devil

  1. mkultra76 says:

    Like, like like! I didn’t “craft” with my kids either, and so far, they don’t seem to be lacking any critical development skills. Why teachers assign things like that, knowing full well it is the PARENTS that are going to have to do the work, is beyond me. It’s a nasty game. Nasty. Last year Tweedledum had to make a “dodecahedron” book report. First, we had to look up what the hell a dodecahedron actually WAS. Trying to piece it all together was murder.

    • Chris says:

      Oh dear, I have no idea what a dodecahedron is but it sounds terrible. And now I have a fear that I’ll find out. Honestly, I try to pawn off all extra projects on Dan under the guise of ‘This is your job’. Mostly it works. Vocabulary hats, not so much :-/

  2. That is still way more craftier than I… I hate craft things with a passion.

  3. Joanne Sher says:

    They came out SO cute! I’m not terribly crafty that way either – so glad my daughter is 😉

    • Chris says:

      Thanks Joanne! I was proud of how they came out. I know they aren’t anywhere near the amazing hats that ended up winning but that’s ok. That is nice that your daughter is! My kids either are lacking their crafty bone or it’s hidden really well. Genetics, what can you do?

  4. Ah, but you can teach them how to write well and that is much more important than a crafty hat! All joy in raising your children while I am glad my daughter is 26 and only comes back home on weekends to ask for money. HF

    • Chris says:

      It will be my goal to teach them to write well. It’s a far better choice than fancy hat making. Although, there were some hat makers who made some serious loot off that last Royal Wedding!

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