Weapon of choice

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It’s the middle of July and an update is in order.  Here’s a breakdown of our latest adventures…

My lowercase g and me

Summer begins…

We spent a lovely time at my friend, Cheri’s cottage when the kids were finally out of school.  Lot’s of fun was had and I tried to master the art of balancing work and fun in the summertime.   While there, I made the mistake of saying ‘yes’ to requests from the kid’s friends for sleepovers and movie dates, making it essential to drive back into town a couple of times.  I’m undecided if I’ll ever do this again.  The inconvenience of it outweighed the gratitude that was given to me by said children.  While the word ungrateful seems too severe, they certainly didn’t shower me in praise and/or gifts after my sacrifice.  I’d say never again but my short-term memory keeps me from completely ruling it out.

Driving a corvette

Weeeeeeee!!!

Driving this Corvette also helped me recover from my annoyance over their social lives interrupting my vacation.  I’ve found it’s pretty much the cure for anything that ails you.  Except toe fungus… don’t ask how I know that.  I know you can’t see me in this picture but I promise I’m in the passenger seat.  I’m just short and Emma (who took the picture) is too.  Also, Vette’s are fast and it’s hard to take a great picture when one’s driving past you.  Just take my word for it.  It. Was. Awesome.

Ice Cream and happy kids

Emma’s birthday is approved by Gerrit

Emma’s birthday…

On the morning of Emma’s 9th birthday, we celebrated by taking part in a parade.  Most people like to watch parades, our new thing is being in them.  That’s just how we roll.

Bee Brave 5k, Sign & Drive Rent-a-Car, Broadmoor Motors

A great cause & a good time.

Probably the hardest thing about the day was convincing Emma that the parade was not in celebration of her birthday.  Most of our conversations went like this…

Me: “Hey, do you want to be in a parade on your birthday?”

Emma (gasping and then squeeling with delight): “They’re having a parade for my birthday?”

Me: “What??  No, there happens to be a parade on your birthday.  It’s not for your birthday.”

Emma: “Then why is it on my birthday if it’s not for my birthday?”

Me: “It’s just a coincidence.  They had to have it sometime and it just happens to be on your birthday this year.”

Emma (unconvinced): “Hmmm… no, I think it’s for my birthday.”

Me: “Uh… ok.  It’s not though.”

Emma, noncommittal shrug.  There’s no topping it next year.  Maybe there’ll be a shuttle launch or something on her birthday instead.

Watermelon cake

As close to a baking masterpiece as I can accomplish

A few days before her birthday, the stars and moon aligned in such a way that I lost my mind.  While casually checking Facebook, I stumbled across this adorable picture…

Birthday cake ideas

“Oh… I could do that.” ~ Famous last words

For a minute or two, I forgot who I was and asked Emma if she’d like me to make her this cake instead of buying one this year.  Of course!  Reality settled back in the day of her birthday party when I had to create this tragedy masterpiece.

Bett Crocker Watermelon Cake

What’s wrong with this picture?

This is exactly as much skill as I had.  With laser like focus and extreme concentrated effort, I was able to replicate the Betty Crocker cake.  Er… almost?  Mine was flatter and didn’t have green jelly beans because where the heck do you get JUST green jelly beans at the end of June??  I’m pretty sure Betty Crocker has hoarded them all because in my store, there’s just mixtures of all different colored ones.  I considered rifling through the tub of bulk jelly beans and picking out only the green ones but that seemed rude.  Like something a selfish jerk (ahem~ Betty Crocker) might do.  I mean, someone else might be making a rainbow cake or a balloon cake and where would they be without green?  I chose instead to go sans jelly beans.  Certainly, if I’m going to risk my reputation of becoming a horribly selfish person, it’s not going to be over jelly beans.

And then I bought a gun…

You might remember from my last post Bad things aka “Why I was sitting on my couch with a shotgun, which is something I never do. Ever.” when I stated I was going to get a gun and learn how to shoot it.  Well, I did.  After I did (and by I did, I do mean Dan did) a tremendous amount of research to find out exactly what weapon would best suit my needs and/or skill level.  My need was to scare somebody away or shoot them with my very small amount of coordination.  After careful consideration and shooting some different ones, I decided on this one…

Woman friendly gun

A 357 Magnum says what?

Boom, that’s what it says.  Now, I know what you’re thinking even before you say it so let me put your mind to rest.  No, I didn’t buy the biggest gun I could think of just to scare people, although I think it does do a fine job of looking terrifying.  There was a lot of thought and precise planning that went into this purchase.  First of all, the longer 4 inch barrel with fiber optic sight means it’s more accurate for me to shoot while it being slightly heavier helps take the edge off the kick.  Secondly, I can practice shooting it with 38 special rounds but use the 357 magnum bullets for home defense.  Thirdly, it’s pretty sweet looking, isn’t it?

Just kidding… {not really}

In my quest for the perfect gat, I also discovered why people automatically picture gun people as INSANE.  In more than one store, the clerk that helped us could best be described as a ‘wild eyed, crazy person’.  I realize they were just trying to impress upon me the importance of owning a gun and ‘being ready’ for the bad guys but I can’t continue to live in this world if I buy into to their theories of “THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO WHEN YOU GET HOME IS UNLOCK YOUR GUN SAFE AND ONLY LOCK IT BACK UP WHEN YOU LEAVE AGAIN!  ANYTIME YOU’RE HOME, YOU SHOULD BE READY”.  Or “I HAVE 16 DIFFERENT PLACES I CARRY MY GUN ON ME. YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE I HAVE IT UNLESS I PULL IT OUT!”.  I wanted to tell him that I didn’t feel entirely comfortable with someone like him owning a gun, much less carrying one around town but I stayed quiet and shook my head in agreement.  Because you don’t argue with someone once they told you they’re nuts.

On the bright side, I guess I can order this shirt now…

That’s about it for us!  Until the next adventure begins at least 🙂

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About Chris

These are the pieces of my life and those that make it worth living
This entry was posted in Dan & Chris, Funny stuff, Good times, Me, My family, Other Peeps, Road trips, The kids, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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