Today is my birthday or what I like to refer to as “The End Of The World As We Know It”!! I’ve been known to meet it in the same manner I have to assume my mother did that day originally… filled with much gnashing of teeth and crocodile tears birthed from wretched pain.
Yep, for me birthdays have always been more about ruminating over the loss of another year, loss of youth and facing mortality in lieu of celebrating accomplishments. The last one I actually looked forward to and counted down the days with glee? In all honesty, I would have to say 16. My 17th, the countdown was filled more with dread in the days ahead of its arrival and the nights spent lamenting the demise of my childhood.
Now, I know most people like to save it all up for one birthday meltdown in their lifetime, also known as a midlife crisis, but what’s the sense in that? I like to muddle through the same tough questions year after year… ‘what am I doing with my life?‘, ‘what am I going to do with my life?‘, and ‘what can I do better this year to make next year different?‘. All valid questions in my opinion. And I have to assume if you ask those same jarring questions every year, it has to help take the drastic measures out of it. Right?? So far, so good.
Dan, along with my family & friends (who I’d like to thank right now for accepting this terrible flaw in me and loving me anyways) typically anticipate this yearly downward spiral and work collaboratively to diffuse the ticking time bomb my birthday has come to represent. Much like negotiating with an irrational toddler, they attempt to implement logic into my thought process and distract me instead with things I enjoy like wine and desserts, dinners out and beer, or jewelry and shoes. The norm.
I applaud them for their effort and appreciate it SO very much because while I’m with them and talking to them, my brain can’t harass me and ask those same damning questions over and over. But when I’m alone again, those thoughts bang around until I’m left a weepy, sloppy mess.
Today, instead of badgering myself with introspection, I decided to make a Date With Myself and do the things I wanted most. Here’s what I did…
- The first item on the list was a running date with myself. As I ran today I thought how nice it was to take time away just for me. And it felt great so great I thought I’d pick up my pace. And it was awesome!! For a little bit at least and then I was ready to stop. But I kept on chanting… “Quitters don’t get beer!” until I finished up that last half mile.
- My awesome friend, Cheri brought me over a scrumptious cake for my birthday. Chocolate and divine, I was so happy to have it but even more than that, I felt blessed to be celebrating this day with her. Leukemia is nothing to sneeze at but she’s a fighter through and through. This year was certainly tough for her but she’s tougher. And while we ate her scrumptious masterpiece, I couldn’t help but reflect on how every day we open our eyes is another blessing. Birthdays included.
- I went to lunch with my boyfriend and had that beer I’d been working so hard for in the morning! I didn’t take a picture of it or the burger I ate but I did manage to wrangle one pic of my handsome date and I.
- I took a little stroll in the woods behind our house and basked in the beautiful November sunshine!
- I answered messages and texts wishing me a happy birthday and they made me smile so much. Responding to every single one of them brought such a huge, dumb grin to my face. I really wish you could have seen it. Some made my heart melt, some made me laugh but without a doubt, they all made me feel special and so loved.
So here we are again… another birthday. THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!! This morning, as we were driving to school, I told Emma it was my birthday. “Today?” she asked, “Happy birthday!”. We listened to this song and rocked it out, with me mostly dancing and totally all me singing. Yeah, it’s the end of the world as we know it. And I feel better than fine ♥